


A Moment of Clarity…

by Sevenwildwaysup



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Feelings, Love, M/M, Tension, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:10:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3135665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevenwildwaysup/pseuds/Sevenwildwaysup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It only took a moment of clarity for it all to fall into place. He finally realized that his life was about to change, he was ready to do what it took to make him see how much he loved him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Moment of Clarity…

Title: A Moment of Clarity…  
Story Type: AU  
Word Count: 2850  
Rating: G…  
Warnings: Love, with a little angst to make it interesting…  
Beta Queen: BigJ52

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: It only took a moment of clarity for it all to fall into place. He finally realized that his life was about to change, he was ready to do what it took to make him see how much he loved him.

**A Moment of Clarity…**

Admitting your feelings is the hardest part, but it’s like a great weight seems to be lifted once you allow yourself to finally let him into your heart. Fear runs through your veins, but it’s time to finally be honest and accept the reality of the situation. The big question is how to tell him how you really feel, and then of course there’s the fall-out of those left in your wake. But it’s now or never, strike while the iron’s hot, or you just might lose your nerve and never get what your heart truly desires. 

 

Current POV’s

Brian’s POV

Deb was right; he’s somehow slipped in under the wire, touching my heart in a way I’ve never allowed anyone else to do. I’m trying so hard, but I’ve never been very good at expressing my feelings. I just hope he knows how I really feel, even though I know I’ve disappointed him. It’s hard to come to grips with my feelings. I feel so vulnerable knowing he has the power to hurt me, but the love I feel for him outshines my fears, and I have to try.

Justin’s POV

I love Brian, I do… It’s just that I need more and I know it’s not something he can, or will give me. I need to feel loved, I need romance, and I want someone who only wants to be with me. Is that too much to ask for? I feel sick to my stomach for running around behind his back. But I also feel excited by all the passion and love Ethan shows me. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so confused.

Ethan’s POV

Justin’s amazing; he’s smart, beautiful, and talented. We get along great and I can’t help falling for him. I know he lives with his boyfriend. He says he’s okay with their open relationship, but when we talk it’s obvious that he wants commitment. He wants to feel special, and he wants to be the only one. I know it’s wrong to go after someone who’s already in a relationship, but he’s not happy and I think I can make him happy, if he just gives me a chance.

Michael’s POV

Ben’s great, he really is, but he’s not the one I want to spend my life with. I love another, but haven’t allowed myself to really contemplate what a relationship would be like with him. I’ve tried to hide my feelings but it’s getting harder and harder. I feel like I’m drowning in my desire for him. I think about him constantly and I can’t wait much longer. I know I need to make him see we belong together.

Ben’s POV

Michael’s so different from the other men I’ve been involved with, simpler and easygoing and he has that boy-next-door appeal. I know the HIV thing is hard for him and Deb to accept, but our relationship seems to be going strong. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but we just seem to click and I can really see a future with him. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he feels the same way I do, that he’s ready to move in together and really give this a try.

 

Reflecting back over the last couple of months…

Ben’s POV

I can’t stand the way Michael looks at Brian, all dreamy-eyed. I don’t even think he’s aware of it, he’s been doing it for so long. He doesn’t think I notice. He thinks it’s his little secret that he longs to have a relationship with Brian, but everyone knows. They even kid him about it, although he’s totally oblivious. He practically worships him and all his mantras. I wonder how he’d feel if Brian actually decided to give him a chance. Then how would he feel about all of Brian’s midnight prowling and bad-boy behavior?

~~~

Brian’s POV

It was Justin’s birthday and I screwed up royally. I didn’t acknowledge it and Mel and Lindsay took him to some classical music performance. I surprised him with a hustler, and the moment his eyes focused on him I knew I’d fucked up. Sure, he enjoyed the fuck, or I think he did, he never said. But there was disappointment in his eyes; he expected so much more and I failed him. I’m just kicking myself for being so stupid. I should have taken him out for a fancy dinner, and made him feel special, loved.

Now he’s always playing the fucking violin music whenever I come home, and he seems so sad. I’m at a loss as to how to fix this. I’ve never been very good at romantic gestures. Now he and Michael have decided to create a comic together and I can’t help but be jealous of all the time they’re spending together. He’s always talking to him on the phone and running off to meet him to go over story ideas. If I didn’t know better I’d think they were secret lovers. Just thinking about them together is driving me crazy.

~~~

Justin’s POV

Things have been strained between me and Brian since I went to Vermont without him. I really hoped that he would have followed me there. I had hoped that he would have wanted to have a romantic getaway, just the two of us, for once. Now it’s like everything I do is wrong, and we never spend any time together. My birthday was a disaster. I wish he didn’t do anything at all, rather than getting me that hustler. 

I felt so dirty, and cheap, like I didn’t mean anything to him. The only good thing that happened on my birthday was meeting Ethan. I ran into him the other day by accident, walking through the music building at PIFA. Now I can’t stop thinking about him, he’s kind of sweet. I wish Brian showed one tenth of the interest in me that Ethan does, but that’s never going to happen. I can’t help wondering why we’re even together.

~~~

Ethan’s POV

I’ve started playing on the street corners down on Liberty Avenue for spare change. I can’t help it but I need to see him. I miss him, and I’m hoping he’ll just think it’s a coincidence if we see each other. I know it’s wrong but I need for him to realize how I feel about him. I haven’t even slept with him yet, although I want to. I want to make him mine, want to make him forget about Brian Kinney. He deserves someone like me, not that asshole Kinney.

~~~

Michael’s POV

I’m so confused about my feelings. I know what I’m feeling is wrong. I know he’s involved even though I never thought that Brian was capable of loving someone. It seems like maybe he really does love Justin, and I can’t help wondering how that happened. After all these years of wanting him, then Justin waltzes in and captures his heart. I’m just not sure he even knows he’s fallen for Justin. He’s in so much denial, and where does that leave me? I have to tell him how I feel.

~~~

Justin’s POV

Brian’s mad that Michael and I have been spending so much time working on Rage. If I didn’t know better I’d think he was jealous. I know Brian Kinney doesn’t do jealousy, but still, it’s so cute. Maybe he really does love me. Maybe I’ve been totally overacting to everything. I feel bad about sneaking around seeing Ethan. He knows about my open relationship with Brian, and I made it clear that us sleeping together was a one-time thing. He seems to want more and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’ve already broken one of our rules, no name or numbers. I need to end this before it gets out of hand.

~~~

Ben’s POV

Michael been standoffish lately. He doesn’t seem to have time for me and I’m beginning to think that Brian just might be right when he kidded around about them having an affair. I’m sure I’m overacting, maybe it’s just because he’s so excited every time he runs off to meet up with Justin. After all, this is the first time that Michael has ever really done something he can take pride in, doing something he never believed he could do.

~~~

Daphne’s POV

“Justin! What the fuck are you doing? You’re going to screw up everything you’ve built with Brian, and for what? A greasy-haired fiddler who can’t rub two nickels together and lives in a rat-infested condemned apartment.”

“Daph, please…”

“You’d better step back and take a good long look at what you’re doing before you throw away everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve. For Christ sakes, Justin, Brian loves you, even if you can’t see it. I can, and so can everyone else.”

“Really? You think so?” 

“Yes, so snap out of it, or you’re going to wake up someday, complaining that you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life! And for what?”

“I really do love Brian, I just wish he’d tell me he loves me.”

~~~

Brian’s POV

“I love him, Michael, I really do. I feel him slipping away and I don’t know how to stop it. He’s so busy these days with work, school and the comic and I just know he’s seeing someone. When he comes home late he claims he’s been studying, but he runs and takes a shower and then he’s too tired to even be together. I mean, what else could it be?”

Michael can’t help thinking, maybe this is a good thing. He smiles to himself, wondering how he can be supportive and still encourage Brian to finally end it with Justin. If he plays his cards just right, he might actually be able to get what he really wants.

~~~

Ben’s POV

I should be happy for him, as he’s finally spreading his wings and it’s doing wonders for his self-esteem. So I’m biting my tongue and focusing more on preparing my lessons for class, and trying to be supportive of his new-found creativity. He deserves to finally assert some independence. I’m actually relieved that he seems to not be pining for Brian like he usually does.

~~~

Justin and Michael are consumed with the comic but promise to meet Ben and Brian at Babylon as soon as they finish up. The hours tick by, and Ben makes some comment about how writing and being creative is like an aphrodisiac. Brian stumbles into the loft just before three am, and is consumed by jealousy when he sees Michael and Justin sleeping together on the bed. Both are in a state of undress, and looking satisfied. His temper flairs and he stomps around the loft, destroying the printouts of the comic book pages, finally pissing on Rage’s face and crashing on the sofa.

Michael’s the first to wake when he hears Brian leave the loft bright and early. He looks over at Justin, and blushes a little, noticing he’s cupping Justin’s cock through his underwear. He wonders about Brian’s reaction, but then again he thinks maybe this is the push Brian needs to let Justin go. 

Brian’s sick to his stomach just thinking about Justin and Michael together. He’s not used to feeling jealous and he doesn’t know how to not let it consume him. 

~~~

Justin’s POV

Brian and I are fighting about going dancing at Babylon. I want to stay home and he just can’t stand to be here in the loft where it’s still fresh in his mind. I tried to explain to him that nothing happened between me and Michael but he seems skeptical at best, and I have no idea how to convince him otherwise. The only good thing is I can see that he loves me. I’ve never seen him this way before, and I’m doing a little happy dance in my head. He so loves me… 

I go over to Ethan’s because I’ve decided to end it with him in person. He won’t stop calling and he won’t take no for an answer. I get there and he insists on playing me a song that he wrote, telling me how much he loves me. I cut him off before he even starts. 

“Ethan! Stop! Just stop! I don’t want to hear your song! I don’t want you to call me, and I don’t want to see you again. Please try and understand it was just a fuck, nothing more. I live with my boyfriend. I love him. I thought you understood. We have an open relationship. Sleeping with you meant nothing to me. I love Brian!”

~~~

Michael and Justin are hanging up posters for the Rage party at Babylon. Michael suggests that they split up so they can finish faster and then go back to the shop. He really needs to tell Justin something, and he can’t wait any longer. Justin’s stapling a poster to a kiosk when he feels someone’s arms around him. He turns around and Ethan pulls him into a kiss. Just then Michael sees them together and becomes pissed, he can’t believe that Justin’s with that slimy chin rat. Michael’s so furious he turns away and stomps back to Red Cape Comics.

Justin pushes Ethan away. “What the fuck, Ethan! I thought I made myself clear last night. I said it’s over, but it would have had to actually start for it to be over.”

Ethan’s shocked and it finally hits him like a ton of bricks. “You really love Kinney?”

“Yes! Yes, I love Brian…”

Now Ethan’s the one stomping off down the street. Justin finishes hanging the rest of the posters and goes to meet up with Michael at the store. 

“How could you! I saw you kissing him!”

“It was nothing, it never was anything. It was just a casual fuck, he just didn’t understand.”

Michael’s anger is raging. He acts panicked, almost jealous.

“Michael, what’s going on? You’re totally overacting.”

“Does Brian know about him?”

“Yes, yes, I told him everything and we’re good. We’re better than good.”

“What? I figured that you two would split up when Brian found out.”

“No…”

“But! But… I… I ended things with Ben. I just assumed that you two were over. I didn’t think Brian would take you back.” 

“Nope, it’s all good. We had a long talk, and we both were finally able to open up and express our feelings.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Michael. What did you mean you ended it with Ben? Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes… But…”

“Are you okay? Tell me what happened.”

“I told him that I didn’t love him, that I never really loved him. He was pressuring me to move in together, but I just couldn’t. Then he accused me of being in love with Brian.”

That got Justin’s attention, “Oh… What did you tell him?”

“I said that I had carried a torch for Brian most of my life, but it was over now. That I’ve fallen in love with someone else, someone special. Someone like you.”

“Really? Who?”

“Justin. It took me a long time to realize why it made me so angry that you and Brian were together. But it’s not what you think. It’s not because I’m jealous about you and Brian. I mean it is… But… It’s not Brian… It’s you…”

“I don’t understand.”

“I love you. I’m totally in love with you, and I want us to be together.”

Justin looks at him like he’s crazy, and starts backing away.

“No, no, no. No, Michael. This is wrong, this can’t be. I love Brian. I love him and he loves me. He told me. He actually said those three little words.”

“I don’t believe you. That’s not Brian. He doesn’t do love, or boyfriends or commitment.”

“He does now. So please try and be happy for us. Please, Michael.”

“No! No, I won’t! I finally got the nerve to tell you and you tell me you love Brian!”

“Of course I love Brian! You know I love Brian! I’ve always loved Brian!”

All of a sudden they hear someone clear their throat.

“Brian! You’re here!”

“And not a moment too soon.”

Justin’s relieved to see Brian. He goes over and puts his arms around him. Brian pulls him in close then turns back to Michael. 

“What the fuck, Michael! I told you how much I loved Justin, and you told me about the fiddler. How they were together. Which by the way wasn’t true. But you didn’t have the balls to tell me it was you who loved Justin!”

“I did it for you. To make it easier for you to end it with Justin.”

“You need help, Michael…”

“Brian! You don’t really love him, so let him go. Let us have a chance for real happiness.”

Justin’s in shock. Brian’s furious, and Michael sees his future walking out the door. A future that never had a chance… 

The End


End file.
